So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
