I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
