also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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