my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
