That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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