That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
