How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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