i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
