I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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