end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
