can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
