The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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