remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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