I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
