So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
