It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
