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are you so shy because you have an std?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
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