last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.