I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks