I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
