Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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