all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
