You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
