he wants to bone in the snuggie
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This baby is an asshole
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
