I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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