that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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