Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just pee around me
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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