You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
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I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
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There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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