So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
