just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
