He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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