You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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