When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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