no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
