My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
