You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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