now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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