My Higher Power is John Stamos
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
whose ass print is on the piano?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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