Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
