And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
