he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
