I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
