Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
