He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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