sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
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Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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