just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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