How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
