i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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