i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
