Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
two words...techno handjob
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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