I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
