But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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