i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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