just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
