Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
