The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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