Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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