I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
