Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
