Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
