Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
