So many bounce houses so little time
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
